The Never Never List

To say that I am known for having very strong opinions about movies is an understatement. Some of these opinions lead me to refuse to see a movie under any circumstance. I call it the Never, Never list. The most recent movie I have put on this list is Eat, Pray, Love. I haven't read the book but it really doesn't sound like it would hold my interest. In fact all signs point to it probably irritating me more than anything. This is a real shame since I am a big fan of Javier Bardem and I am also a fan of Billy Crudup. I was shocked to find out that the running time for this movie is over two hours. I guess you can't really put a timer on a mid life crisis.

However, thinking about this has made me remember some movies that I put on this list that I eventually saw. Some with positive results and some reaffirming why I shouldn't have seen the movie in the first place. I will admit that sometimes if a movie becomes too popular before I see it this becomes a good enough reason for me not to see it. People who know me and know about my list often are a little heartbroken at what I have selected to add to the list. I am well aware that this is unfair, but hey so is life.

I also go through 'anti' fazes on particular actors and movie genres. The actors have usually made a movie that I didn't care for and I stop watching their films for a bit. I feel it's like punishing a child by putting them in a time out corner. I'm not crazy I know this doesn't actually punish them but it feels better than rolling the dice with them again. Movie genres are similarly banned. I generally get pissed off at having to watch chick flicks. This rule isn't hard and fast and I have excluded any movie I watched when I was younger than 20. People make fun of me for leaving these movies out but there's just nothing I can do about how old I was when I watched Dirty Dancing and Pretty Woman. Then once I started watching older movies rather than use my age I just declared that the year the movie was made was a better divider. I didn't see When Harry Met Sally until I was in my mid twenties but considering the year it was made it still fits my flawed logic. :)

The first movie I can remember seeing against my will as an adult was Titanic. I am almost certain that the popularity of this movie did it for me. I didn't know anything about Kate Winslet at the time and I did not hold a grudge against Leonardo D. But alas, I went on a date with a guy who thought he would shed my tough exterior by watching me see this movie in the hopes that I would cry particularly at the ending. Now had circumstances been different maybe I would have really enjoyed the film despite my aversion to seeing it. But under those circumstances, I was not amused. I remember saying to my date before he approached the ticket counter that I wanted to see Kiss the Girls. Granted, I really didn't want to see that either but it was lesser of two evils as I'd already seen everything else they had playing. Trying not to be too upset I sat through the movie and as it came towards the drowning scene I started to hear some chicks in the theater crying. I really couldn't help but laugh out loud. I just didn't see it as the type of movie that was worth crying over. Boy did those chicks in the theater give me some vicious looks. My date was disappointed and I lost 194 minutes of my life that I can't get back now.

Some of the brighter moments of breaking with the Never Never List include seeing Austin Powers: The Spy  Who Shagged Me, and Zoolander. I can only assume I was in an anti empty comedy  faze. But both those movies turned out to be pretty funny and enjoyable. I have since lifted this ban on comedies with moderate success.

One of the most irritating birthdays I ever had was the day I was forced to watch National Treasure. I'd seen the trailer and nothing about it appealed to me. The best character in the film, played by Justin Bartha, doesn't get a lot of face time in the trailer and I think that would have helped. However, I hated the movie and seeing a movie you knew would hate on your birthday just adds insult to injury. And no it was not just the presence of Nicholas Cage that turned me off of this movie. Although that didn't help either.

Let's face it you can't see every movie. A part of me thinks that you can define yourself by what you see and what you don't. I know that there is no better way to judge a movie than to actually watch it but I think it's also important to keep a sense of self. I don't enjoy being forced to watch anything but I am willing to listen to people who have seen a movie to persuade me to lift my ban.

The Expendables/Bella

We watched the Expendables and I have to tell you I was very afraid to watch this. Considering how much I love action movies I was very worried the plot was going to be so bad that I would need to just shut my eyes during most of the dialogue. Not to say that there weren't plot holes. There were, but they were small.

I did have a problem with one of the action scenes that seemed to be anti-climatic. They build up a character to be very tough, so tough our protagonist can't handle him. Then he's taken down by a lesser character in a short amount of time and in a less than special way.

Charisma Carpenter was great. I was really impressed with the part given to Jason Statham. His character was likeable and his story was well written. Jet Li was given a few moments to shine. Mickey Rourke was given a very emotional scene and he did a great job with it. However I felt that Rourke's scene was too long and perhaps unnecessary. Although I should give Stallone credit for not going for the obvious and way overdone motivation (The 'I'm so in love with this woman I will move heaven and Earth to save her'.) I also need to point out that there was nothing about this movie that necessitated me seeing Mickey Rourke's gut.

There's no way I can review this movie without mentioning the amazing moment that was given to Terry Crews. I was worried he wouldn't get a good scene but he was given a great moment that myself and the audience loved. Dolph Lundgren's acting was pretty good and his scenes were solid.

If I were Slyvester Stallone I would be very proud of this movie. He did show people that he can write a half decent story. The action scenes were more than passable save the one I mentioned earlier. I would have gone a different way for the closing sequence but then without the overdone motivation it is a little harder to come up with an ending.

Earlier today I watched Bella. Bella has some touching moments and I do love Tammy Blanchard. I may have seen every Law & Order episode she's ever been in. The leading man, Eduardo Verastegui, really shocked me. He is both talented and drop dead gorgeous. That is one hard combination to find.

What this movie lacked in plot it made up in style and tone. If the actors hadn't been so fantastic this could have been a real snooze fest. There are some well done revelations about the character's lives but you don't get the sense that it is really building to something. As a movie goer you know something is going to happen but there isn't any honest to goodness conflict that is actually maintained throughout the movie. The Americanized ending is given to us though I don't think it was earned in this movie.

It seems that perhaps the director knew about these shortcomings and trimmed this puppy down to a tidy hour and thirty minutes. I think that was very sensible. There are so many times when I walk out of movie telling my friends 'I could have cut 30 minutes out of that movie.'

I would recommend this movie to others but with a caution.

Schwartzman and Schmucks

It wasn't my idea to go. In fact my roomie told me about it only the night before. I thought about saying no because frankly I have never been the kind of person to get things autographed. But I'm really glad I did go.

The signing we attended was for Scott Pilgrim vs the World. We only knew that Michael Cera was going to be there but once in line a friend told us that Jason Schwartzman and Edgar Wright would also be signing.

Michael Cera's awesomeness was fresh in my mind since just a few weeks ago I had watched Juno for the millionth time. Schwartzman wowed me in just about everything he's ever been in and I am including Phantom Planet music.


We waited for about two hours before the signing actually began and we had a very good place in line. I felt bad for the people who arrived later than us that did not have the benefit of shade as we were waiting outside in the beautiful Georgia heat. Behind us in line was some guy who was talking in depth about the careers of the trio we were waiting on. He was very obnoxious and I was immediately reminded of the similar scene from Annie Hall where Woody Allen and Diane Keaton are waiting in line at the movies. I tuned him out but my poor roomie had a bit of trouble doing that. The only thing I remember him saying was something about how Michael Cera plays the same character in every movie. I can neither confirm nor deny this opinion. I can see the point that ones I think of immediately are similar but I haven't seen his complete body of work.

Once we finally got inside my excitement grew. I started to feel a little nervous. The signing was at this ubercool record store and glancing at their selection of items reminded me how I might not be cool enough for this store or this event. We got closer to the table and I could hear them speaking and see the order. First was Edgar Wright, second was Michael Cera, and third was Jason Schwartzman.

Getting to the table shyness hit me like a brick and about all I could muster to EW was a thank you in response to his mildly lackluster greeting. Michael Cera barely looked up to say hello and I think all I did was smile. Schwartzman however was warm and chatted with me a bit. He looked me directly in the eye and shook my hand. This floored me. I don't know how I came up with the idea that he was going to be the most stand offish but I was wrong. I know that they had been at this task for a good 45 minutes by now so I don't hold any behavior against them.

Once outside my roomie and I had a good laugh about that fact that his Michael Cera signature looked more like Michael Cara. My roomie took a phone call and then something odd happened. Schwartzman ran outside and started signing things for people who were in line. The guy who came out with him announced that Schwartzman had to leave early. I thought it was a really sweet gesture. I've decided I will watch everything he's in from here on out.

A tad later that day roomie and I and a couple went to see Dinner for Schmucks. There were a few reasons for me to want to see this movie and they were Zack Galifianakis and  Paul Rudd. Steve Carell and I have a love/hate relationship going on.

I have mixed emotions about the film. I really enjoyed seeing Lucy Punch (I loved her in Being Julia). Dinner for Schmucks had very funny parts and the typical American movie ending was very satisfying. However, many portions of the movie were just extremely irritating to me. There were moments in the movie where I envisioned myself reaching through the screen and strangling Steve Carell's character. This same feeling has come over me before when watching The Office. The fear of this feeling has thus far prevented me from seeing Date Night.

This movie definitely falls under movies I will never watch again. I'm not sure if I loved the ending or if it was just relaxing to know that it was over. Paul Rudd did what he does so well and Zack G. was his normal funny/quirky self. I would not recommend this to anyone unless I knew they were big Carell fans.